


the humanity of amelie guillard

by Fluoradine



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Backstory, Chateau Guillard, Established Relationship, F/F, Long-Distance Relationship, Memories, Recovered Memories, Video Chat, slightly less comfort tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 10:28:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11965515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluoradine/pseuds/Fluoradine
Summary: Amelie moved into her family's ancestral home a month ago, rightfully fearing what it would do to her already weakening conditioning. When it seems like there is nothing to fill the dead silence and empty spaces of the castle, Amelie turns to the one woman who knows her best, the only one out there who can understand what she is going through.





	the humanity of amelie guillard

**Author's Note:**

> hoo been a while since i did some f/f......anyways how about that widow lore, eh? i'd always wondered when i'd write another symmaker and when i learned i could make some good angst out of it, i finally did it. hope you enjoy, and please leave a comment or kudo if you do - it tells me people like what i'm writing!
> 
> unfortunately school is starting up for me pretty soon, so i probably won't have as much time to write as i did during the summer. i won't drop it completely, though! i think some mc.hanzo is next on my list....

Chateau Guillard was so large, yet so empty. No matter how many boxes Amelie unpacked or how many paintings she rehung, there was never enough to make the place look full. There was always a spot left untouched, a speck of dust left on the floor and a cobweb left hanging from the ceiling, as if the house was meant to be forever stuck in a time long past, where it had been forgotten by all except one. 

Here, in her family’s ancestral home, Amelie was freer than she’d ever been. The walls of the Talon base had been close enough to suffocate her, and remind her of her life’s only purpose. Every window reflection was a reminder of Widowmaker, who had eyes as sharp as daggers and a heartbeat as quiet as death. She could navigate the whole site without a single thought, not noticing any changes in the grim scenery, and not feeling a single sentiment. 

But here, as Amelie, she had as much room to breathe as she wanted - yet it was still smothering. She would walk around in the early morning, getting lost and noticing things she’d never turned her eyes to before. Sleep evaded her every night as she stared at the Guillard crest on the wall across from her bed. And in the glow of the sunset and sunrise over the sea, she almost tricked herself into believing that her skin was dark again, just as it was years ago.

She had feared that this place would affect her conditioning when she moved in. Although she had no past memory of being here, it truly felt like she was meant to return. Blurry pictures of familiar faces filled her dreams, and all the cleaning she did kept revealing old family heirlooms and photo albums. With every day she spent here, she could feel Widowmaker weakening, as all the confusion made her emotional and fearful. 

But worst of all was the silence. The white noise of a sniper post always kept Amelie focused and ready to react within the blink of an eye, but the dead quiet of the mansion was too much. There were no meetings, no gunfire or shouting, not even a whisper of the quiet nuisance Sombra always made. It was the same empty track playing in every room, making her ice cold skin crawl and her slow heart pound. 

The computer in the living room was constantly on. Amelie needed something to quell the silence, on nights where racing thoughts kept her wired and no amount of fine wine would make her pass out. She was lucky Satya was an insomniac who claimed she did her best work at night, most of which now involved lethargic conversations at two in the morning. Because if Amelie could count on anyone to keep her sane, it was most certainly Satya.

Satya Vaswani knew everything about her, and she knew everything about Satya Vaswani. They both knew what it was like to be controlled, torn away from home and rebuilt to succeed at their life’s one purpose. Satya was much more human that Amelie had ever been, and had felt to the deepest meaning of the word. Amelie had never been able to understand her pitiful emotions before, but now, as she reached out to her for some sort of guidance, she knew that Satya would understand hers. 

“Every time I go to close my eyes, I see something different,” Amelie said to the face on the screen. “But they are all old memories, ones I thought I did not have any more. Some are even less than memories, only pictures. Like a second of a film I do not remember recording. And the more I think about them, the more I question myself.”

Amelie was on her fourth glass of Chardonnay, sitting on the floor in the grim of the night. The computer gave off a bright blue light, and Satya’s face took up the whole screen. She was in her work clothes, still wide awake as they quietly spoke with each other, the first time Amelie had spoke aloud that day. 

“Perhaps they are not memories at all,” Satya offered. “Perhaps they are just dreams. A sleepless mind often projects delusions far beyond human comprehension.”

“But they are of me.” Amelie said. She had been pacing the house all day, trying to remember where she’d left her gun. It had just so happened to be on a table, next to a photograph of who she could only assume were her grandparents. She’d left it there, turning back to find her way back through the maze of the mansion before she could react in any way to seeing yet another piece of her unknown history. 

“Dreams of yourself?”

Amelie nodded. “Before I became who I am. When I was a child, a young adult, still…human.”

Satya stared. Her eyes were narrow, soft and tired. She sighed, her chest falling. “You are still human, my star.”

“Oh, but I do not want to be.” Amelie’s head hung as she drank, blinking as the room swirled in the darkness. “These feelings, this sentiment and confusion, it is too difficult to deal with. How can you live this way, at the constant mercy of your mind?”

“With difficulty,” Satya answered. “But also with force. When I find myself questioning too much, I try to think of what I know. If I believe that to be true, then I do not let anything that threatens it get inside my head.”

“But Satya, I cannot stop it,” Amelie said. “These blurry memories, they make their way inside, tearing apart my conditioning piece by piece. Like they are some sort of virus, and I am a failing machine.”

“A machine malfunctioning is not an unheard-of occurrence. Corruption can come from within or outside the system. But I fear you are not a computer, Amelie.”

“I only wish there was a way I could know,” she said. “How I forgot, and why I am remembering now.”

“Truth is never that simple,” Satya responded. “It is a complicated tangle, tied into too many knots to unravel yourself without incurring some sort of damage. Truly, I hope it does not find you, Amelie.”

“Was that the same with your truth?” she asked Satya. Her lips pursed. 

“That, I am still finding.” Satya said. Amelie nodded in understanding. 

Satya’s own failing trust in Vishkar was a difficult situation on its own. Amelie had met her before she’d begun to even think outside of their control, and had been there during her first few emotional breakdowns over it. Yet she had never let her internal conflict consume her to such an extent. Amelie knew she was being pitied, although Satya would never say such a thing. They couldn’t afford to lose each other’s trust - without the other, they would forever be on their own. 

Amelie drank as they fell silent, staring around the dark room. A portrait on the wall was staring, their sharp eyes piercing right through her. A nearby covered armchair looked much too similar to a human silhouette in the shadows. The bottle of Chardonnay was almost empty, barely making a sound as she put it back on the ground. On the screen, Satya fixed her hair, twirling it around absentmindedly. She looked so close, as if she was sitting right across from Amelie, and not miles and miles away. 

“The sea looked nice today.” Amelie tried. “I cannot remember the last time I ever swam. You should visit me when summer comes.”

“If you stay.” Satya said, and Amelie knew she was right. If she stayed in this house for much longer, she knew she would never be able to go back to Widowmaker, who never questioned herself or felt anything but the thrill of a kill. 

“But I would come to see you at any time, if I could,” Satya continued. “Amelie, if I was anyone different, I would help you through this. I’d explain it all perfectly and help you get your mind back. But I cannot figure out what I have never understood.”

“How to find truth?”

“How to know myself.” Satya said. Her eyes fell away from Amelie’s view, and Amelie understood what she meant. She knew that she had to stop digging for an answer. Satya could not give it to her - this was not as simple as Amelie wanted it to be. 

But their weak conversation stopped once again, and she shut her eyes in the silence. On cue, the picture she’d found beside her gun today flashed across her mind, the faces blurred but the bodies still perfectly clear. Her eyes snapped back open, and she saw the darkness surrounding her again. It was everywhere except for the blue light of the computer, where Satya was, her only solace from her mind and this house. 

She looked up, and saw Satya still fixing her hair, not making eye contact with her at all. A pang of guilt hit Amelie. It was her own fault that Satya had to talk to her, relive her own fear and doubt just to try and comfort her. Another pang of weakness hit her as she realized that she’d reached out to her because she’d needed her. Amelie had been alone for as long as she could remember - how far had she sunk to depend on another person to keep her sane? How vulnerable was this house making her? 

“How horrible this must be for you to see,” Amelie said, almost chuckling. “Me, unravelling like a spool of thread. Just because of some mansion.” She did chuckle now. “Why did I ever come here, Satya?”

“You must have wanted some answers. Or some peace and quiet.” Satya suggested, and Amelie chuckled again.

“What a fool I am. Thinking being alone would make anything better.” She took another drink, and the picture of her grandparents swam back into view. Except this time, there was a third person in the photograph - a little girl sitting on her grandfather’s shoulders, smiling from ear to ear. Her face was perfectly clear, and Amelie saw the shape of her face, the width of her shoulders, and the texture of her hair all perfectly, as if it was a memory. 

She tossed her wine glass to the floor. It shattered with a sound that shook the house, as the shards skidded across the floor. Drops of wine spilt at her feet, and a single bead of water fell from Amelie’s eye. It was almost foreign on her skin, stinging her tear ducts and rolling down her cheek, until it fell into the puddle of wine on the ground. Satya looked up, her eyes wide with shock. 

“I am falling apart,” Amelie said, her voice shaking. “I am afraid. Something about this place is making me remember so much, so much that I never even knew they left in my mind! They made me forget for a reason. Without their weight, without this damned house’s weight, I am lifeless, flawless, so perfect!”

Another tear slipped out of Amelie’s eye. “But I can never go back to that, not knowing what I know now. Not like this. Now that I am broken.”

Amelie was disgusted. The cold water on her cheeks instilled a type of hatred in her heart that she had never felt before. Satya did not say anything in response, and Amelie knew that she felt the same disgust at her pathetic show of emotions. 

In the silence, Amelie wanted to shrivel and disappear. Nothing was worse than this - being a bug under the foot that was her mind, her quickly unravelling mind and memory. She shut her eyes, and saw darkness for the first time in months. Everything around her was void, and she was vulnerable to anything and everything in this house. 

“Then I will hold you together.” 

Amelie looked up to the blue light of the screen, and saw Satya’s face. It was expressionless, but Amelie could see the truth in her eyes, her beautiful, steady eyes. Satya understood. She knew everything about Amelie, and Amelie knew everything about her. They were one and the same, alone without each other and stronger in the other’s company. Only someone who knew what she was going through could hold Amelie together - and there was no one else who could do that but Satya, the one woman she could trust wholly with her mind and heart. 

“That is all I need.” Amelie said, and she swore she saw the corners of Satya’s mouth curl up. 

“It is all I can do, my star. I know it is difficult, but you will survive. You must.” Satya promised, and Amelie wiped the tears off of her cheek. She was still shrouded in the darkness of the house, but in the blue light of Satya’s presence, she felt safer. Her mind was still racing and her heart was still pounding like a hammer, yes; but Amelie was no longer alone.

Satya fixed her hair again, and Amelie shut her eyes. Once more, the picture of her grandparents appeared in her mind, but she was not present alongside them. She opened her eyes, and sighed.

“How horrible it is to be human.” she said, and saw Satya nod on the screen in agreement, and in sympathy.


End file.
